I’m at the age now that all of my friends are getting married, already married, or they’re in the wedding party for their friend, sibling, etc. Which means if I’m not working for a wedding, I’m attending one! After the wedding is over and you ask the couple how their wedding went, you would think that they always say “It went exactly how I wanted, it was exactly what I dreamed of.” But this often isn’t the case. A lot of the time, I hear the couple say:
“I wish I didn’t let other people influence my wedding so much”
Frankly, it breaks my heart. You might not think that you can fall victim to this, but it happens so easily that you don’t even realize it’s happening. And because I can’t sit every newly-engaged couple down and warn them not to let others decide how to do their wedding, I figured I would put it here instead.
One of the biggest pressures that couples fall into is who they invite to their wedding. Their parents, coworkers, friends, are all pressuring them to invite every blood member in their family, everybody they have ever worked with, or their cousin’s-best friend’s-daughter’s-friend. Not only does this greatly increase the cost of a wedding, but it also starts to change the wedding from a celebration with family and friends, to an open-invitation to come party with people you barely know.
So, I’m just gonna say it: If you have a toxic relationship with your aunt, your brother’s best-friend, your co-worker, or quite literally anybody who gives you a negative feeling, you are allowed to not invite them. These days, the costs for a wedding only go up and you don’t need to spend money on someone who isn’t going to be celebrating and showering you with love and support. This is your day to forget the real world and anything that weighs heavy on your heart, so be sure to make sure you surround yourself with those who you want there by your side!
The other common way I see couple’s being influenced, is in the overall look of the wedding. I’ve seen mother’s tell their daughters that the dress they are crying tears of joy over is not the one (coming from a mother who is already married and had her time to shine 40 years ago). I’ve seen the couple being told a destination wedding isn’t “realistic” for everybody that they absolutely must invite. Or I’ve seen the sister of the bride thinking a rustic look is best, when the bride just wants hot pink sequin tablecloths and chandeliers sparkling throughout the venue. But let me tell you something; the people who are the happiest for you and who truly want to be by your side while you marry the love of your life will go through hell or high waters to be at your wedding and they genuinely won’t care what it looks like, how big it is, or how much money you put into it.
So to the newly engaged couple about to start planning their special day together, don’t forget to regularly remind yourself whose day this is. It’s yours! It’s not your family’s day, it’s not your best friends’ day. This day is only about the two of you joining your lives together, and you are allowed to have as few (or as many) people as your heart desires. Whatever brings you excitement and joy when thinking about your wedding, that is the direction to go. And if you catch yourself being influenced by those around you, just take an extra moment to think about what you want.